Sunday, January 13, 2013

It's not about me

This last year has brought me through a lot of self exploration. I was raised Mormon, and being Mormon becomes your life. As a teenager I went to church a minimum of 6 times a week...7 times if there was a teenage dance. Over the last 10 years I have left the church and its conformities in different magnitudes resulting in withdrawing my records and starting a full arm tattoo. Since then I have embraced and rejected many Christian replacements. One of my main staples is a community church across the street from my humble abode. My husband and I have engaged in it off and on over the last 7 years with no significant commitment as after every re-entry I am approached by a member asking if I am new. No matter the circumstances I have always viewed myself as a Christ follower even with faltering faith. I have to admit though that this last year I have become jaded with religion and God overall. A couple of Netflix documentaries debunking the crucifiction have gotten into my head as well as some bad Christian publicity in regards to gays, lesbians and Chik-Fil-A. In an effort to patch the quilt of my soul I found a free and open church of love, Unitarian Universalists that I checked out and loved. It was just what I needed as they didn't identify with any particular religion, and loved everyone through meditation and candle lighting. The only problem is that it is about a 1/2 hours drive from my house, which is a lot with kids in tow and a limited gas budget. That meant that I worshiped in the church of me...wherever I was doing nothing in particular. Last Sunday my kids and I walked by the old church by our house on our way to the store, and I told them that we should start going to church again not stating which one. My daughter had loved the free loving one, but immediately asked that we go to the one by our house. I nervously nodded, and thought, 'Oh Crap!" It was definitely not my first choice, but it was better than nothing and closer to home. This morning I confirmed with my daughter again, and received the same response, so dutifully prepped and dressed my three kids to go. I dropped my kids off at their classes and settled into a sermon that I aimed was not anything pertaining to me since I was really there for my kids. Was I surprised!? The sermon ended up being about gratitude, and being thankful for little things in our lives even the ability to come to a place of worship. He stressed how we should not be coming into church or other situations with a sense of entitlement for our needs because it will conflict with our worship and life experiences in general. Then he said very plainly and bluntly, "It's not's all about you!" Wow! I almost had to look behind me. With that it ended, and I left to pick up the kiddos. One by one they came out with excitement and stories to tell, but it was my daughter who struck me down today. I went to her class to pick her up, and in my hustle and bustle turned back from the door to find that she was not following. I figured she was helping with clean-up, and waited patiently. That is when I saw her standing near a new friend who relied on the use of crutches as her legs were not operable. She had been sitting on the ground completing a project, and my daughter went to hand her her crutches. She was calm and intent in her own world helping out her new friend. Nothing else mattered. After that she left to go home. Wow again! Here is what I learned. I have a lot to learn about graciousness and kindness for others. It is not all about me. God is God, and I don't need to analyze or approve of each religion 100% in order to participate. I need to be grateful for worship. My entitlement attitude with church and worship has prevented my children from having God in their lives, and building a community of support and love around them. It is my job to introduce my kids to life, love and a higher power. If I don't who will?

It's Never Dull...

It has been a while since I have written. I have been busy with life, and my beautiful and rambunctious family. Here is an update on us: The roofing company my husband became partners with did not work out, as the owner stopped paying us or returning phone calls due to fishing and hunting for weeks on end. That has resulted in him spending more time at home with the kids. Yay for dads! With my husband in job limbo I saw an opportunity to sharpen my work skills, and landed a full time and part time job. The full time job is back at the bank I used to work for pre-kids. They were gracious enough to create a job for me after I had unexpectedly inquired. The part time job is about 7 hours a week at a tax office as a tax preparer, because I love taxes (crazy me)! I also want to have it be my full time future. It was hard to go back to work at first. I bawled my eyes out the night before my first day and at breakfast. Luckily I stay too busy at work to think, and my husband has been amazing with the kids. My daughter is loving school, and is starting dance again soon. She is a sweetheart with sass who challenges me to be a better mom everyday. My son is loving preschool, and is excited to start soccer with his first team. They are called the Stingrays, and I am pumped for his first team experience. I am officially a soccer mom :) My baby is a tenderheart who is always sharing his snacks, but is starting to become impatient with his siblings taking without asking. He is starting to talk a lot, which is crazy. He also is in love with music and my husband's yellow Dewalt radio. He wants it on ALL the time. He is also a dare devil who is constantly climbing and jumping while looking at me and mocking. Oh boy...